Fus Woo Dah!!!

I haven't posted in a while, but I can't really be held responsible for that, can I? Skryim finally came out, and someone had to kill those pesky dragons. Don't worry, I'll try not to make an "arrow to the knee" joke, probably.

Man, a lot has been happening recently in the world of wrestling. We now have three, or maybe just two, face champions -- CM Punk successfully retained his title after his match with The Miz and Alberto Del Rio, whose groin didn't fair quite as well; Zack Ryder has finally been thrown a United States Championship-shaped bone; and that lightweight, Daniel Bryan, is the new World Heavyweight Champion after cashing in his Money in the Bank briefcase on a freshly DDT'd Big Show, and ever since, I've actually found myself giving a damn about him as we watch him slowly turn heel. I don't even mind his mess of overgrown facial weeds, as it's a well documented fact that beards look better on bad guys.

Anyway, let's talk a bit about Zack Ryder. I love him, I really do, but if the WWE wants to keep selling his headbands and t-shirts, etc., they need to give him more than a few catchphrases. Seriously, I can only pump my fist along to "Woo, woo, woo!" for so long. Now, to their credit, they have involved him a bit in the Kane/Cena story line, but I'm not really happy with where it's going, and I'd like to take this opportunity to make a suggestion.

A week ago, Kane emerged from a hole in the ring and tried to drag Ryder to "Hell," only to be stopped by John Cena at the last second. Here's where my idea comes in -- use this to turn Ryder heel! I know, I know, there are too many heels at the moment, but hear me out on this. What if, when he attempted to, I don't know, kill Ryder, or whatever, Kane actually transferred a bit of his evil into him?! Then we could have Ryder start giving Cena hate-filled looks whenever his back is turned, and after a few weeks of buildup, he could knock Cena out from behind with his Title before standing over his body to taunt him with his new catchphrase, "Boo hoo hoo!" You could even have him become Kane's sidekick and refer to him as "The Devil's favorite Broski!" Tell me that wouldn't be wrestling gold!

Alright, now that I've gotten that out of my system, I'd love to talk about Jericho's return, how great CM Punk continues to be, and how I've actually started to like John Laurinaitis, but I haven't played Skyrim in literally tens of minutes, and I'm starting to get the shakes. So with that, I'll say goodnight and offer my heartfelt apologies... I really did try not to make an "arrow to the knee" joke.

photo via bleacherreport.com

Apoca-thumb!!!

Yesterday was November 11, 2011, a day that some considered, and possibly continue to consider, to be linked to some kind of global spiritual awakening, the beginning of the end of everything, or who knows what else. People the world over spent the night cowering in their houses or celebrating around bonfires. Me? I watched Friday Night Smackdown while eating Arby's. Business as usual.

Survivor Series is coming up, and to no one's surprise, Randy Orton announced last night that he will be leading a team. What did surprise me was that Wade Barrett will be leading the march against him, not Cody Rhodes. Now, don't get me wrong, I've been loving the "Barrett Barrage," and I'm thrilled that he'll have such a prominent role in this pay-per-view, but I find myself having to ask a question: What was the point of the Orton/Rhodes feud we've been following for weeks now? We know it wasn't leading up to an Intercontinental Title Match because, let's face it, what would Randy even want with the belt at this point? We're talking about a man whose career has soared to the heights of starring in K-Mart commercials, here.

At any rate, the match is scheduled to be Randy Orton, Sheamus, Kofi Kingston, Sin Cara, and Mason "Baby Batista" Ryan versus Wade Barrett, Cody Rhodes, Jack Swagger, Christian, and Hunico, aka Not Sin Cara.

Last night we were also treated to a rematch between Mark Henry and all 107 pounds of Daniel Byran. The last time we saw these two face-off, we saw Bryan getting the life squashed out of him by Henry before The Big Show hit him with the W.M.D. and convinced Danny Boy to try his luck, cashing in his Money in the Bank briefcase on a seemingly unconscious World's Strongest Man. Although things didn't go according to The Big Show's plan, I liked what they did here; however, if it were up to me, I would have taken it a step further comically by having Show convince a dazed Bryan, who announced that he'll cash in the briefcase for a match at Wrestlemania, that he's been unconscious for months, and indeed, it was Wrestlemania and that he was just seconds away from beating Mark Henry for the Heavy Weight Championship. But what do I know? Other than good television, I mean.

While I'm not sure what role Daniel Bryan will play in Survivor Series, we can, of course, expect to see Mark Henry once again defend his Title against The Big Show. Personally, I'm hoping Henry will retain but have his victory cut short by the return of The Undertaker. After all, Wrestlemania isn't all that far away, and if Randy Orton and The Big Show can't get the job done, who's left to take the Title from Henry if not The Dead Man himself?

Moving on, the highlight of the night for me was the main event, which saw Wade Barrett and Randy Orton going one-on-one as the future leaders of their respective Survivor Series teams. This was another surprise for me. I was expecting to see a good back and forth before Orton landing the RKO, leading a vindictive Cory Rhodes to run out and either end the match in disqualification or, preferably, open Barrett up for a surprise Wasteland or even a roll-up victory. Instead, while the referee was momentarily distracted, we got a classic thumb to the eye from Wade with a successful pin to follow. I was in no way expecting to see a clean victory from him over Randy Orton this early in his career, and I love a good bit of cheating from a heel, so I nearly jumped out of my chair in excitement. It was a very satisfying ending, if you ask me and not Mr. Orton, who probably didn't care much for it.

Let's just see if Barrett can keep his comeback rolling in Survivor Series, and whether or not Captain Orton looks good in an eye patch, shall we, mateys?

photo via wwe.com

Survivor Series will take place November 20, 2011, and you can buy tickets on WWE's Live Tour site.