Fus Woo Dah!!!

I haven't posted in a while, but I can't really be held responsible for that, can I? Skryim finally came out, and someone had to kill those pesky dragons. Don't worry, I'll try not to make an "arrow to the knee" joke, probably.

Man, a lot has been happening recently in the world of wrestling. We now have three, or maybe just two, face champions -- CM Punk successfully retained his title after his match with The Miz and Alberto Del Rio, whose groin didn't fair quite as well; Zack Ryder has finally been thrown a United States Championship-shaped bone; and that lightweight, Daniel Bryan, is the new World Heavyweight Champion after cashing in his Money in the Bank briefcase on a freshly DDT'd Big Show, and ever since, I've actually found myself giving a damn about him as we watch him slowly turn heel. I don't even mind his mess of overgrown facial weeds, as it's a well documented fact that beards look better on bad guys.

Anyway, let's talk a bit about Zack Ryder. I love him, I really do, but if the WWE wants to keep selling his headbands and t-shirts, etc., they need to give him more than a few catchphrases. Seriously, I can only pump my fist along to "Woo, woo, woo!" for so long. Now, to their credit, they have involved him a bit in the Kane/Cena story line, but I'm not really happy with where it's going, and I'd like to take this opportunity to make a suggestion.

A week ago, Kane emerged from a hole in the ring and tried to drag Ryder to "Hell," only to be stopped by John Cena at the last second. Here's where my idea comes in -- use this to turn Ryder heel! I know, I know, there are too many heels at the moment, but hear me out on this. What if, when he attempted to, I don't know, kill Ryder, or whatever, Kane actually transferred a bit of his evil into him?! Then we could have Ryder start giving Cena hate-filled looks whenever his back is turned, and after a few weeks of buildup, he could knock Cena out from behind with his Title before standing over his body to taunt him with his new catchphrase, "Boo hoo hoo!" You could even have him become Kane's sidekick and refer to him as "The Devil's favorite Broski!" Tell me that wouldn't be wrestling gold!

Alright, now that I've gotten that out of my system, I'd love to talk about Jericho's return, how great CM Punk continues to be, and how I've actually started to like John Laurinaitis, but I haven't played Skyrim in literally tens of minutes, and I'm starting to get the shakes. So with that, I'll say goodnight and offer my heartfelt apologies... I really did try not to make an "arrow to the knee" joke.

photo via bleacherreport.com

Someday We'll Find It, The Rock and Sock Connection...

This week's Monday Night Raw was a special three-hour episode meant to hype the upcoming Survivor Series match-up between Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and John "Not The Rock" Cena against The Miz and R-Truth. Considering it was three-freaking-hours, I was a bit bummed about the overall lack of matches that caught my attention. It was the various promo segments that stole the show tonight, and with The Rock making an actual appearance, along with Raw regular, CM Punk, I suppose it was to be expected.

They weren't all winners, though. The show opened with Michael Cole and his challenge to good ol' J.R., which I honestly didn't care much about. Considering what was at stake -- Cole's career -- I don't think any of us were surprised when he rigged the challenge. I won't go into too much detail here because, well, I don't want to, but let's just say my two favorite parts where knowing that Cole's silly challenge was over and that it ended with Punk putting him in the Anaconda Vise. I will say this however: I was hoping that J.R. would somehow miraculously win, leaving Cole left to commentate only on Smackdown because -- and I can't be the only one thinking this -- there's just been too much Cole lately. As for Monday Night Raw, not only would we get J.R. back, but I was hoping Mick Foley would join in as well.

Which brings me to, in my opinion, the first of two highlights. The Rock wasn't the only big return of the night; Mick Foley, the hardcore legend himself, is back in the WWE. I had already heard of Foley's return and was expecting to either see him there or at Survivor Series, perhaps as a guest referee for The Rock and Cena's match against The Awesome Truth, but that didn't stop me from grinning ear to ear when he came strolling down to the ring, flannel shirt, sneakers, and all.

Foley went on a rant about the lack of respect Cena's been getting as of late and tried to cheer him up, even going as far as to express his feelings through a "This is Your Life, John" segment. The Rock didn't seem as amused by it as I was and came out to unceremoniously Rock Bottom Foley for his trouble.

Throughout the night, we also saw Zack Ryder collecting signatures for a petition to get himself another title match against Dolph Ziggler, the current reigning U.S. Champ; there was a minute long Divas match in which Kelly Kelly pinned Natalya again, you know, because she's so physically dominant; and unfortunately, a heavily hair-dyed Kevin Nash Jackknife Powerbombed everyone's favorite Santino, Santino. If only his buddy Vladimir Koslov hadn't been fired, he-- well, he probably would've gotten Jackknife Powerbombed too, actually.

Onto the second highlight of the night, which was, of course, the actual physical appearance of The Rock on Raw, as opposed to another video promo filmed on the set of The Tooth Fairy 2: Tooth Fairier, or whatever. I could go on and on about how very disappointed I am with The Rock's "return" to The WWE, but I just can't stay mad at the guy. He came out, grabbed the mic, and reminded the world of wrestling how to work a crowd like nobody's business.

Eventually, The Awesome Truth came out to confront The Rock, and all I could think about was how glad R-Truth must be that they've turned him heel. It really is amazing what beating John Morrison with a water bottle and raving about "Li'l Jimmies," spiders, and conspiracies can do for your wrestling career. I mean, he and The Miz are about to face The Rock and John Cena, two men whose placements in the Hall of Fame are guaranteed, in the main event of a pay-per-view. Anyway, they decided to show their appreciation for being given this opportunity by not waiting till Survivor Series to try their luck with Rocky, and were about to pounce when Cena entered the fray.

If you didn't see it, you can probably guess what happened next. The two teams glared at each other before The Rock and Cena, who otherwise were obviously not on the same page, laid the smackdown on The Awesome Truth; standard pre-pay-per-view showdown stuff. What interests me was how Rocky stole the show by delivering double Rock Bottoms before wordlessly leaving Cena in the ring and then mocking him for good measure. Loved it.

Seriously, I just cannot stay mad at The Rock. John Cena may very well be one of the most popular wrestlers of all-time, but after Rocky waltzed in, upstaged him, and made a handful of jokes at his expense, I could have sworn I saw a few kids in the audience burning their "Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect" t-shirts.

Let's see you try to rise above that hate, Johnny.