Apoca-thumb!!!

Yesterday was November 11, 2011, a day that some considered, and possibly continue to consider, to be linked to some kind of global spiritual awakening, the beginning of the end of everything, or who knows what else. People the world over spent the night cowering in their houses or celebrating around bonfires. Me? I watched Friday Night Smackdown while eating Arby's. Business as usual.

Survivor Series is coming up, and to no one's surprise, Randy Orton announced last night that he will be leading a team. What did surprise me was that Wade Barrett will be leading the march against him, not Cody Rhodes. Now, don't get me wrong, I've been loving the "Barrett Barrage," and I'm thrilled that he'll have such a prominent role in this pay-per-view, but I find myself having to ask a question: What was the point of the Orton/Rhodes feud we've been following for weeks now? We know it wasn't leading up to an Intercontinental Title Match because, let's face it, what would Randy even want with the belt at this point? We're talking about a man whose career has soared to the heights of starring in K-Mart commercials, here.

At any rate, the match is scheduled to be Randy Orton, Sheamus, Kofi Kingston, Sin Cara, and Mason "Baby Batista" Ryan versus Wade Barrett, Cody Rhodes, Jack Swagger, Christian, and Hunico, aka Not Sin Cara.

Last night we were also treated to a rematch between Mark Henry and all 107 pounds of Daniel Byran. The last time we saw these two face-off, we saw Bryan getting the life squashed out of him by Henry before The Big Show hit him with the W.M.D. and convinced Danny Boy to try his luck, cashing in his Money in the Bank briefcase on a seemingly unconscious World's Strongest Man. Although things didn't go according to The Big Show's plan, I liked what they did here; however, if it were up to me, I would have taken it a step further comically by having Show convince a dazed Bryan, who announced that he'll cash in the briefcase for a match at Wrestlemania, that he's been unconscious for months, and indeed, it was Wrestlemania and that he was just seconds away from beating Mark Henry for the Heavy Weight Championship. But what do I know? Other than good television, I mean.

While I'm not sure what role Daniel Bryan will play in Survivor Series, we can, of course, expect to see Mark Henry once again defend his Title against The Big Show. Personally, I'm hoping Henry will retain but have his victory cut short by the return of The Undertaker. After all, Wrestlemania isn't all that far away, and if Randy Orton and The Big Show can't get the job done, who's left to take the Title from Henry if not The Dead Man himself?

Moving on, the highlight of the night for me was the main event, which saw Wade Barrett and Randy Orton going one-on-one as the future leaders of their respective Survivor Series teams. This was another surprise for me. I was expecting to see a good back and forth before Orton landing the RKO, leading a vindictive Cory Rhodes to run out and either end the match in disqualification or, preferably, open Barrett up for a surprise Wasteland or even a roll-up victory. Instead, while the referee was momentarily distracted, we got a classic thumb to the eye from Wade with a successful pin to follow. I was in no way expecting to see a clean victory from him over Randy Orton this early in his career, and I love a good bit of cheating from a heel, so I nearly jumped out of my chair in excitement. It was a very satisfying ending, if you ask me and not Mr. Orton, who probably didn't care much for it.

Let's just see if Barrett can keep his comeback rolling in Survivor Series, and whether or not Captain Orton looks good in an eye patch, shall we, mateys?

photo via wwe.com

Survivor Series will take place November 20, 2011, and you can buy tickets on WWE's Live Tour site.

Abraca-Wade!

Wade Barrett won a little show called NXT, and rightfully so; he already had a nice ring presence and a way of demanding attention on the mic. Those qualities, along with the fact that Chris Jericho, the Ayatollah of Rock and Roll-a, was his "mentor," had me pegging him for success from the very first episode. And I was right -- The next thing we knew, he was leading calculated attacks on wrestling legends and taking over Monday Night Raw as head of The Nexus before going on to do the same to Smackdown as head of The Corre. He even got his hands on the Intercontinental Championship along the way. Sounds great, right? Well...

Success, you fickle mistress, you. How quick you were to turn thy gaze away from Wade's blazer wearing wonder. Was it the crooked nose? You know who else has crooked noses? Albus Freaking Dumbledore; the multi-talented Stephen Fry, narrator of the British version of the Harry Potter audio books; even Ringo Star, who I like to think is a huge Potter fan. Oh yeah, and he was in some band called The Beatles, or whatever.

As you can tell, I'm a huge Potter Head, but I digress.

Wade won NXT! How is it fair that he's being squashed by Cena while Justin "One 450-Splash Pony" Gabriel and that Cock-a-Doodle-Dufus Heath Slater are three-time Tag Team Champions? Hell, even David Otunga, Attorney at Raw has been getting more airtime. And Daniel Bryan? That dude should hand the Money in the Bank briefcase over to Barrett and give his beard back to Hornswaggle.

And whatever happened to the prize for winning season one of NXT? Doesn't he have the right to take a shot at any title on a pay-per-view event of his choosing? You know what, Daniel Bryan? I hope you cash in that briefcase and win yourself a shiny, new belt, I really do. And then I hope Wade comes out, challenges you, and you accept because you're such a goody-goody. I want to see him Wasteland you so hard you vomit up a month's worth of tofu, you vegan chump.

photo via allwrestlingsuperstars.com

I honestly don't understand why Barrett isn't more popular. Why isn't he one of the top heels on Smackdown? Only Cody Rhodes seems to get more heat from the crowd than him. Why not give Chicken Legs Rhodes a night off to do squats and see how Barrett does as a main eventer? I'm telling you, Internet, put him back in the spotlight and the crowd will learn to love Wade Barrett all over again.

Or at least let him hold Daniel Bryan down so we can forcefully shave off his collection of face pubes.

That thing's getting gross...